We as a family have decided not to post any content of our little one (I.e photos / videos).
A lot of people may not understand the exact reason. I'm writing this to explain our view point.
We by no means think we have it all figured out and we are just beginning this parenting journey, but we do not take it lightly. In our opinion, practically determining the outcome and course of another humans life is an insane responsibility that we feel is way too important to just "wing it". The most important thing a parent can do is educate themselves.
If anyone knows me (Nikki) they know that I research everything. I like to take a basic psychological approach to parenting and the result could be defined as attachment parenting. Attachment parenting (AP), a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well-being. Less sensitive and emotionally unavailable parenting or neglect of the child's needs may result in insecure forms of attachment style, which is a risk factor for many mental health problems (e.g. depression, anxiety and eating disorders).
Because of this approach, we have looked into everything we do and question mainstream parenting in every aspect. I mighy get alot of flack for this, but I feel that the way a child turns out on a basic level is completely and entirely, 100% the result of how that child was parented. In other words, good or bad, it is the parents who are responsible.
Basic human psychology shows us that, in order for a child to grow into a healthy, balanced, confident, and independent adult they need certain major things during childhood. At the top of the list is a SENSE OF Control. When children are lacking in this, recurrent power-battles ensue, in the form of tantrums, rebellion, and general misbehavior. Misbehavior isn't only caused by a lack of control, but also a lack of healthy attention, (but that's another rant for another day).
Children don't need to be controlled or trained, (they aren't animals). They don't need to be told what, where, and how to do everything. They need to be able to make their own decisions (informed and guided, of course). They need to be gently guided and taught the right way by example.
Autonomy is a huge part of children having control over their own lives. Autonomy, by definition is, 1. n. The power or right of self-government; self-government, or political independence, of a city or a state.
1. Noun. Self-government; freedom to act or function independently. ¹
2. Noun. (philosophy) The capacity to make an informed, uncoerced decision. ¹
3. Noun. (mechanics) The capacity of a system to make a decision about its actions without the involvement of another system or operator.
Basically that leads into body autonomy. Which is, having control and the right over your own body. This is why we choose not to tell or force Leo to give anyone hugs or kisses. We ask him if he wants to, and if he does... Great! If he doesn't, then we respect his wishes. It helps keep children safe from predators, too. We want to teach our children No one can touch them without their permission.
But back to regular autonomy and how its related to photos on social media.
The main reason we choose not to post pictures is because of something we like to call image autonomy. It is the same as "my body, my choice" (body autonomy), only "my image my choice". We believe that Leo is the only person who has any right to his own image... Whether he wants to post it or not. Until he is of an age/maturity where we feel he can make an educated decision and understand the consequences of those, we think it is the right decision to abstain from posting anything about him.
Also, in the future, those pictures that we find so cute could be embarrassing to him. When something is on the internet, it's there forever... Which is another reason we wish not to post.
We, just like any other parents, would love to post pictures anywhere and everywhere for the whole world to see our beautiful baby, but we respect him and his future right to choose.
Reason number 2: It’s the only way to defend him against facial recognition, Facebook profiling, and corporate data mining.
We completely understand other parents’ desire to capture their children's everyday moments, because early childhood is so ephemeral. We also think about the broader impact of creating a generation of kids born into original digital sin.
Last week, Facebook updated its privacy policy again. It reads in part: “We are able to suggest that your friend tag you in a picture by scanning and comparing your friend’s pictures to information we’ve put together from your profile pictures and the other photos in which you’ve been tagged.” Essentially, this means that with each photo upload, parents are, unwittingly, helping Facebook to merge their children's digital and real worlds. Algorithms will analyze the people around them, the references made to them in posts, and over time will determine the children's most likely inner circle.
That's just a bit scary if you ask me.
However, there’s a more insidious problem, though, which will haunt our children well into adulthood. Myriad applications, websites, and wearable technologies are relying on face recognition today, and ubiquitous bio-identification is only just getting started. In 2011, a group of hackers built an app that let you scan faces and immediately display their names and basic biographical details, right there on your mobile phone. Already developers have made a working facial recognition API for Google Glass. While Google has forbidden official facial recognition apps, it can’t prevent unofficial apps from launching. There’s huge value in gaining real-time access to view detailed information the people with whom we interact.
It has yet to be seen how today’s toddlers will deal with their inherited online identities as teenagers.
Reason number 3: We cannot control everyone's privacy settings.
We don't personally know who is on each persons friends list. There are some disgusting people out there and its better to be safe than sorry.
I've been told many times, "oh he's going to encounter bad things, pollution, and terrible people throughout his life, why so trying to protect him now is pointless."
Ah-ha, touché, my friend. Your logic is pointless. That's like saying, "oh he's going to burn himself at some point in his life, so why not just throw him into the fire, now...".
Reason number 4: We want to keep some things private.
The fact that there are people who would go against a mother’s wishes just blows my mind.
Friendships can end and relations can turn frosty when people differ on who can share a child’s images online. Message boards like those on BabyCenter are full of posts from parents venting their frustration about the issue.
“My mom… thinks it's her ‘right’ to share her photos so she can ‘brag’ about being a grandma,” one user wrote in a thread titled, “I hate Facebook. Stop posting pics of my baby!”
“It’s just so frustrating to me to think hundreds of people are viewing my newborn in our home with my husband and son, etc. when it's a private and personal time for us.”
Our opinion is that not everything needs to be broadcasted on the internet.
We live in such a self centered age where one can find oneself posting and dangerously looking for self confidence in social media affirmation.
We do not yet know how this age of media exposure will affect our children in the future. We, for one, have made our decision on the matter. Some people may not like, or dare I say, *approve* of our choice, but we seek no mans approval. We only answer to God, and therefore watch out decisions very closely.
We request that friends and family please consider our wishes and not push the matter.
